I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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