Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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