Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
