He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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