see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
