your thong is hanging out like whoa
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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