Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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