its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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