I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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