And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
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He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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