i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
