Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
