first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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