we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
i out mim tonsoeep
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