the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
