so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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