In the future we'll all be gay
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
