If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
