You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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