Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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