sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
