Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
