she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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