That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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