I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
