i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
