What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
