i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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