Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
you had me at cake vodka
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
