just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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