when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize