I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
we're so committed to being not committed
soo... how was my night?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
