I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
