omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
