A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
