I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
