zippers are such a cool invention
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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