I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
