my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
