i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
