Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
