Is it because I queefed?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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