He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
