I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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