the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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