her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
