I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
birth control should be required to get into college
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
