I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
