the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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