We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
