Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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