i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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