Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
