Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
