SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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