my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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