...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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