Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
