You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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