the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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