I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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