Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
