My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
