Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
