Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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